Words I'm Learning to Live By

Montessori is all about the exploration of the child, words are somewhat just a necessity, a formality if you will.

Let Your Words Be Few - Ecclesiastes 5:2

I am learning ways to use descriptive language.  What a child "is" is a beautiful, loving, giving, intellectual being.  What a child feels is a different matter. I'm working hard to change my language and realize the difference between the two.  So, throughout the day I am a broken record describing the parts of my body or senses that I'm using or trying to interpret their actions and words. Next time your child is having trouble, instead of using, "John, you are being mean...", try "John, I see that you are using your hands to hurt..." One of the formal terms for it is calling mirroring.  You are mirroring the actions that you see, perhaps correctly or incorrectly.   Below are the most common lines I've been using with my 3-6 year olds.

I see with my eyes that you would like...

I hear with my ears that you would like...

I see that you feel...

In the evening when I'm trying to turn off my guiding brain, I've found myself using it with my spouse, as well.  It has spurred some great conversation, which otherwise could have taken an unhealthy turn.  He's even been known to turn it on me once or twice. :)

Today, at the last day of summer camp, my little budding flowers have begun to fully bloom.  I could see it in their newly curious and descriptive eyes.  I secretly hoped what every teacher hopes, to inspire the unquenchable desire for knowledge, and I think I have begun to succeed.  It was most evident today, when my kids turned my own language on me...

"Children, could you come see me please?"
"Mrs. Dru, we can see you with our eyes from here, would you like us to come walk to you?"

"Mrs. Dru, would you please scratch my vertebrae, it's scratching (itching) me."

"I hear an aplomado falcon with my ears." (Yea, that's what I thought too)


Peace!

Dru

Glimpse into Summer Camp

We have completed the first week. Each day at noon I have been overcome with this period of complete and utter weariness. That time when even your eyes are tired at looking, much less your brain at processing. Then when I could actually stop, it would come. That moment of doubt. That nagging that tells you that you're doing it wrong, you don't have any training or skill, you haven't read enough, you haven't observed enough, and you haven't prepared enough material. Then you wonder if they're even having a good time, and goodness, what they tell their parents when they get in the car. What one minute detail did they remember out of the full 3 hours you were with them.

Then during my own children's nap time I would update our daily log and interface, scrolling through the pictures of the morning. And I would see these...

After looking at the pictures of Day 1, all of my doubt was replaced by awe. In all of my craziness to orient, introduce, and re-direct, I missed these intricate glimpses of intense concentration and discovery. They were quick and hard to catch with the naked eye or lens, but I knew it was there. Sometimes I would take a break to breathe, catch the eye of one of my helpful room moms, or angel moms as I refer to them in my mind, and would give a silent exclamation of joy. I'm sure they thought I was crazy.

By day 4, I could see that my little flower buds had grown and were beginning to unfurl their soft petals. They were now sitting together in a group working on matching our scent bottles with the corresponding pictures, laughing and giggling at the smell of dirt.

I even had a moment of panic when beyond the laughter of the three, I was missing sight of the other two. One happened to be sitting in the book corner intently flipping through the pages of a book on the sense of sight, and upon tiptoeing to the doorway, the other joyful girl of the class was quietly making a face out of her cheese and pretzels, and humming Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, the association song we used for remembering the primary colors.

It was in the brief 3 moments of quiet bliss, that I realized I was not needed. In three short days I had begun to foster concentration, self exploration, discovery, and a joy in learning. It was at that moment I decided that this was going to be my life's work, and with a lot of hard work and a dash of grace, I could one day call myself a Montessorian.

Dru

Positive Discipline

Me: "Ella, would you like to set the table for lunch?" 

Girl: "No, I don't want to help." (Storms off) 

Boy: "Ella, I see that you feel frustrated." 

Girl: (Forcefully) "No, I'm not frustrated." 

Boy: "How could I help you feel happy?" 

Girl: "Well, I can't get off my shoe." 

Boy: "Let's try together." 

Yes, this actually happened...with 3 year olds!  I could do nothing but stand in the kitchen mouth agape. Obviously there many ways I could have dealt with her initial rudeness and choice of words,   but, what she was really trying to express was that she couldn't get her shoe off, and it was hurting her foot.   Her peer, acknowledged and validated her feelings of hurt/pain/anger etc, and offered to help.  Together, they used their tools to help solve a problem without ever needing me.  And let's face it, not being needed at this age is enough to make you shout with joy!  

In our world, words are everywhere and mean everything.  In a toddler's world, they are still trying to figure out what all of these emerging emotions mean, how they can express them, what they are allowed to do with them, etc.  Positive Discipline provides them the tools to have control over their actions and how to react to one another.  

Positive Discipline is NOT based on this idea:

You do this...
and I'll do this...

You apologize, and then I will give you the toy.  You now have a gold star, but if you talk, I will take it away.  The gratification and consequences are not external, but rather are internal.  Based on the choices they make, they accept the logical consequences.  I, the adult, do not control what makes you feel happy, mad, sad, etc.  I am the guide that helps to provide you with the tools you need  to make the right decision.  

Children are good and are striving to do the right thing, but often times they don't know what to apply when, and we mis-interpret them.  So here are, hopefully, some helpful tools for your discipline toolbox.  

Positive Discipline in the Classroom page 73 

In our world, words are everywhere and mean everything.  In a toddler's world, they are still trying to figure out what all of these emerging emotions mean, how they can express them, what they are allowed to do with them, etc.  Positive Discipline provides them the tools to have control over their actions and how to react to one another.   

Below are books that I have read or are reading on the subject.  This is just the tip of the iceberg.  But I have seen great success in myself and children.  

Positive Discipline in the Classroom 

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...and How To Listen so Kids Will Talk  

Parent Effectiveness Training

Be At Peace! 

Dru